What is the ugliest thing that you say to yourself over and over again? (Everyone has access.)

I never watch TV during the day but recently, while on vacation, I clicked the remote and took in an episode of the Oprah Show. Her topic? "Negative Self-Talk".

Now, I consider myself a really (and I mean really) positive-type person, but found myself enthralled because I discovered that I am not as "positive" as I could be.

An average of 50,000 thoughts go through our head on an average day. Things like "I have to pick up the cleaning", "I need to call my mother", or "I need to send a thank you card to my friend". The danger comes into play when you start saying to yourself, "I'm so stupid - I wish I would have thought of that sooner," or "I will never ever be able to close $3 million per month." Or, "I tried everything and just can't seem to lose weight." We often make these statements without giving it a second thought.

Understanding the reasons for your negative self-talk is the first step in recognizing that you are making deprecating statements to yourself - without even knowing it.

1. Become aware of negative statements - as it's happening.
2. Interrupt the "automatic" statements. (When you hear yourself saying negative words, say to yourself, "STOP".)
3. Forgive yourself for saying it.
4. Replace the negative statement with a positive one.
5. Rehearse and visualize positive statements or behavior.

If you can squeeze about 10 minutes out of your day, try this exercise. Even the best of us say ugly things to ourselves or have nagging, self-doubts.

1. List one negative statement that you say to yourself regularly.
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2. What was the origin of the thought (family, peers, teachers, others, circumstance)?
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3. How does this belief interfere with what you do, what you get out of life and how you affect family, friends and co-workers?
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4. Write down the evidence that would dispute this negative self-statement.
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5. Write down a positive, self-statement that you can use as an alternative each time you find yourself saying this statement.
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When you begin to understand the reasons for negative self-talk, you'll find yourself recognizing it more and more quickly after it occurs.

Practicing positive thinking will remind yourself that you are a worthwhile person. Constantly tell yourself that you are making small, positive changes. Visualize yourself as "confident, happy and capable".

Have more than one negative statement you constantly say to yourself? Copy this form and try to eliminate and let go of one per month.

You owe it to yourself to be the best that you can be!

Positively yours,

Karen Deis

Copyright, 2005, LoanOfficerMagazine.com

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